Hiatus

I've realized I don't have enough coherant thoughts to blog when I'm emotionally unstable. I also just don't know how to handle it in general. I'm so used to being a stable support system in nearly every circle of my friends, I simply don't know how to be on the other side of that.

I apologize for all the times I've said "It's going to be okay." I now understand that's the last thing in the world you want to hear and that you don't want to hear anything really, you just want someone to listen to you.

Never in my life have I felt so emotionally unstable and spiraling out of control the way I did the last couple weeks.

I literally wanted to die.

I literally made my room as dark as possible and just layed there drifting in and out of consciousness because I was physically, emotionally and mentally incapable of doing anything else.

I literally hyperventilated.

I literally threw up 3 times within 24 hours even though I hadn't eaten anything to throw up.

I made it through it, but I don't know how.

My boss, by the total grace of God, let me keep my job and I found a new place to live that should be a grand new adventure.

There is one last missing piece that goes without saying, but I sincerely hope that that will work out as well.

I seriously seriously seriously screwed up.

I'm human.